Archive for December, 2010

Have you ever wondered if the guy you are seeing or the guy you have a crush on is serious about you? Do you sometimes think to yourself that it’s so hard to guess if a guy is really serious about you?

Fret not. I bring to you “10 Ways to know the guy is just not serious about you.” Since it’s the end of the year, if your relationship is really going nowhere, then it’s time to move on. If the guy is not serious about you, what’s the point of clinging onto him? You deserve better.

1. After having sex with you, the phone calls and smses dipped considerably. Before doing the deed, you talk to him on a daily basis. But after the first screw, he takes an entire day or two to even reply an sms. Many phone calls go unanswered.

2. He will walk away to answer a phone call and speak in hushed tones when he’s out with you. What is so secretive that he can’t speak in front of you? DUH! He’s speaking with his REAL girlfriend or WIFE!

3. He will only hold your hand when he’s drunk or when you are on an overseas trip with him. Obviously he doesn’t want anyone to find out he’s going out with you.

4. He tells you that the timing is just not right! He tells you a cock and bull story about how he just broke up with his girlfriend and that he is so hurt that he doesn’t want to get into a SERIOUS relationship so soon. If you believe in that, I have only two words for you – GROW UP! There is no such thing as the timing is not right. Do you seriously believe he will tell Angelina Jolie that the timing is not right if she told him that she has a crush on him?

5. He tells you, “It’s not you. It’s me!”. Get this straight. He is just trying to reject you in the nicest way possible. It’s YOU! Do you seriously believe that he thinks that HE IS THE PROBLEM? Get a grip! He’s just not that into you!

6. Whenever you meet him, it’s always at a club getting drunk or at a hotel (insert any other locations) to have sex.

7. He never brings you to meet his parents or family members. Bringing a girl to meet his family members signify his intention about being serious in the relationship. So if you have known him for six months and he makes no mention of bringing you to meet his parents, you can be sure he’s just not that serious about you.

8. He prefers to meet up with his buddies to watch soccer and get drunk than go out with you. Yes, he’ll tell you that he needs his space and his guy outings. But if it happens every weekend, then he’s definitely more serious about his buddies than you.

9. He doesn’t remember your birthday or any other significant anniversaries. Most likely, he’ll give an excuse to say that everyday with you is like a valentine’s day or a birthday. Do you honestly buy that crap? If he can’t even remember your birthday, do you really think he’s serious about you?

10. When he tells you that “He’s not the marrying type.” or “I am not really into long term relationship.” For once, trust him. He REALLY means what he says.

You might also want to read Cheating in Relationships.

I used to party regularly with this guy who was a splitting image of Taiwanese Rocker Wu Bai. In fact, whenever we went out to party, everyone would actually call him Wu Bai. I don’t even know his real name but I’m pretty sure it won’t sound as cool as Wu Bai though. I can’t imagine someone calling him “LIM AH FOOK!” or some other shitty Beng name like that.

Wu Bai, Taiwanese Rocker


Anyway, the main point of my story is not about him. We used to hang out at this club called Baby Face. This club was frequented by many karaoke hostess and mamasans because it was opened till 6 am. So these ladies would actually go to the club to party after work. And Wu Bai being the rock star that he is, knows a lot of these hostesses and mamasans.

There was once he introduced me to this mamasan with humongous breasts. She is a little on the fleshy side but her boobs are pretty legendary. I have to say they are the biggest that I have ever seen on a woman. And I have seen quite a few pairs in my time.

Not the real person. But size is just about right.

Anyway this mamasan was working at Boss KTV. You can read about the funny KTV incident which took place @ Boss KTV. After many glasses of Martell on rocks. she was dancing seductively in front of me. I could tell she was quite into me or maybe she just wanted to have some fun with a guy outside her sleazy working environment.  We drank a lot. I think between the two of us, we finished a bottle of Martell.

We left the club when it was almost close to 5am. She didn’t want to go back and suggested we head to my place to drink some more. How could I possibly reject such an invitation?

After we reached my place, I brought out another bottle of Vodka and we started to drink. Very soon, we were kissing and groping. She took off her clothes and I was pretty shocked to see her ample bosoms. I can safely say this is the first time I literally stared at a woman’s boobs. It probably sounds pretty pervertish but I was simply appreciating the beauty of a legend.

She pretended to be shy when she noticed that I was staring at her breasts. She poured herself another drink and we played five ten. And yes, she was basically half naked and I as trying my best not to stare anymore. After a few more shots of Vodka, I could tell she was slurring and getting really drunk. I told her to stop drinking and she promptly fell asleep on my sofa. No action, I thought to myself. I covered her with a blanket and went to check my email.

After about ten minutes, I suddenly heard her waking up. I turned around and guess what I saw!

She actually walked over to my main door, pulled down her skirt and panties and pee right there in my living room. I stood there absolutely flabbergasted and horrified. Her eyes were still half close so I assumed she was in some kind of semi-drunken stupor. I think I shouted “OOI” or something to that extend but she wasn’t listening. I could see the yellow liquid slowly flooding my living room floor and moving towards my shoes.

Funny peeing woman

What's wrong with these women???

I darted quickly to retrieve my shoes before her yellow pee stained them. After she was done, she pulled up her panties and went back to sleep on my sofa! I stared at the pool of pee on the floor in utter disbelief. A freaking big boob mamasan just peed on my floor!

I had little choice but to wipe up the pee from the floor. And I can’t remember how come I didn’t use the mop. I think the mop was broken and I literally had to use some cloth to wipe up the urine. Freaking disgusting! That was the one and only time I actually mopped someone’s pee.

The next day she woke, I told her about the incident and she insisted I was lying! I should have bloody took a video of it but I was in too much shock to have such quick thinking. We kind of lost contact after that peeing incident but I saw her recently at the airport. She was pushing a stroller with her baby inside. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I saw her.

Thanks for the memories Miss Big Boobs Mamasan.

If you say you’re in a committed relationship, what does that mean? What are you actually committing to? If I ask some people who claim to be in committed relationships what they mean by it, they might say things like: I’m committed to my partner. This answer is pretty vague, wouldn’t you agree? It could mean anything. Committed to what specifically? How is this any different than taking care of your dog?

I’m committed to loving my partner. That’s a step forward but still essentially a cop-out. Love is wonderful, but what’s the actual committment you’re claiming to make? To feel the emotion of love for your partner 24/7? To feel loving at least once every couple days? To hug your partner 5 times per week? To live together in the same household? To have joint finances? What are you actually saying?

I’m committed to having a spiritual bond with my partner. I feel like I’m asking a Ferengi how much they’d like to donate. Believing that you’re creating a spiritual bond is great and wonderful and all. But once you return from Narnia, then what are we really talking about here? Are you meditating together till your chakras look like a bowl of Lucky Charms? Are you smoking the same joint as one? What will we actually see of this spiritual bond you speak of?

When you define your commitment in such a vague way, there’s so much wiggle room that we could say you haven’t actually committed to anything yet. This is laziness masquerading as commitment. I’m committed to only having sex with my partner. At least we’re getting specific now. I’m sure your partner is very shaggable, but this is merely exclusivity. Is that all there is to commitment? If you’re exclusive with someone, is that sufficient to claim that you’re in a committed relationship together? And does this mean that prior to your current relationship, you were in a committed relationship with your hand? 😉

I’m committed to my partner’s highest good. Praise Hestia! What’s your partner’s highest good? Are you sure it involves being with you? Does this highest good include encouraging your partner to leave once you suspect that being in a relationship with you is no longer (or perhaps never was) equal to their highest good? I’m committed to your highest good. Does that mean I’m in a committed relationship with you?

I’m committed to loving, cherishing, honoring, and obeying my partner. How original. What does that actually mean though? How does this translate into what we can perceive? You can love, cherish, and honor a friend or family member if you so desire. What’s so special about how this shows up in your committed relationship? I like the obeying part though. Yum! 😉

Defining Commitment One reason so many relationships involve cheating, lying, and secrets is that the commitments are poorly defined. This creates gray areas that can be easily stretched until you reach the point of having crossed the border into breaking that commitment, but it isn’t clear at what point the border was specifically crossed. How will you know if you’re honoring your commitment or not? Be specific.

Start by explicitly defining what your commitment looks like. What do you expect of each other? What have you decided to co-create together? Talk about actions, events, feelings, reactions, expectations, and consequences. Step out of the conceptual realm, and move into the world of what’s perceivable. If you’re going to make a commitment, then let it be grounded in reality.

Bring it over to this side of the wardrobe. Making a subjective commitment is wonderful. That’s a good start. It’s perfectly fine to begin with abstractions like loving and honoring each other. But if it’s a real commitment — and not an airy fairy nebulous one that could mean anything — then there will be an objective side to it as well. The subjective and objective commitments are two sides of the same coin.

Ultimately you can’t have one without the other. If there’s genuine love present, how do you intend for it to manifest? Will this translate into flowers, joint finances, and having kids? Or will it show up as sailing around the world together, sharing bottles of wine, and hours-long lovemaking sessions? Or is it simply a matter of texting “I ❤ U, Schmoopie!” twenty times a day?

Everyone has a different understanding of commitment. If you assume your partner’s notion of commitment is the same as yours, good luck with that. It’s a well-trodden path to disappointment and heartbreak. Be prepared for that slow sinking feeling down the road. Reality vs. Semantics As you discuss your commitment with your partner, be careful not to get lost fussing over the exact meaning of words like commitment and cheating. The exact labels you use aren’t that important. What matters is that you focus on what’s real and grounded and experiential as opposed to getting too abstract and vague.

Talk about what your commitment means to you in a grounded way. It may be less romantic than the ungrounded version, but creating that level of clarity can deepen your connection. You’ll tend to feel more connected when you and your partner clarify what you expect of each other and what you’re willing to give. Saying that you expect your partner to love, cherish, and be faithful to you is likely to create headaches down the road.

Instead, replace these vagaries with a specific expectation like, “If you were to kiss another woman in a way that’s more than a friendly greeting or a peck on the cheek, such as if you were to make out with her or French kiss her, I’d consider that a violation of our commitment, and I’d feel hurt and betrayed.” Or say, “I’d like you to take at least one specific action each day that you expect will make me feel loved and cared for, such as making me a nice dinner; going for walk together while holding my hand; cuddling me on the couch as we watch a movie; looking into my eyes and saying ‘I love you and care about you’; or slapping a slave collar on me, commanding me to strip, tying me to the bed, and shagging me rotten.” Updating Your Commitment As your relationship evolves over time, it’s wise to update your commitment now and then.

Talk with your partner about the changes you’re experiencing. If you can’t renegotiate your commitment in a way that feels good to you both, then agree to let go with love, and give yourselves the freedom to seek out new partners who feel good about making the commitments you each desire. You don’t actually have to commit to anything. So if the idea of being specific doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s absolutely fine to let go and to allow your relationship path unfold as it will. In that case, don’t get too attached to the idea of commitment as it relates to any one person, as it will simply devolve into attachment and clinginess.

Commitment requires free choice, not obligation. If you claim to be in a committed relationship but you don’t have a specific commitment with your partner that goes beyond the use of vague and ill-defined words, then don’t be too surprised when your connection gradually becomes something that appears committed on the surface but lacks the true spirit of commitment in your thoughts, feelings, and actions. If you haven’t spelled out any specific commitments, then you’re better off not using the C-word to describe your relationship. But if you still want to feel the spirit of commitment without going through the trouble of defining it, use a slave collar instead. 😉

1. Appreciating Simple Things in Life. I took a lot of things for granted. The basic concept of freedom for example. Just being able to have a walk in the park with my dog, sitting down at a cafe with some good friends, travel, taking a taxi. Even taking a dump in a nice, clean toilet. All these seemingly unimportant things suddenly became such a big deal when I was in jail.

2. Art of Negotiation. Being inside a Jakarta prison is a masterclass in negotiation. In the beginning, I was ruled by fear and was so desperate to find a way out. Everyone around me seemed to have a plan to get me out of jail at the soonest possible time. And of course I believed them. I paid a large sum of money to entertain high ranking police officers, lawyers, even the mafia. I soon realize that most of them are just big talkers. And everyone just wants to get a piece of the action (money). It soon came down to identifying who are the real movers and shakers and dealing with them directly instead of going through a host of middlemen. Engaging a lawyer is meaningless in Indonesia. The money to engage a lawyer is better spent paying off the prosecutors as well as the judges. And to negotiate well with them, one cannot exhibit any fear. I managed to strike a good deal because I was prepared at that point to just accept whatever punishment they wanted to give to me.

3. Making Real Friends. In prison, especially in Indonesia, everyone will want to be your friend if you have money. They will beg, cheat, lie, even steal from you when you are not careful. Some will pretend to be your friend but very soon, their motives and objectives become quite clear. It’s not easy to make real friends inside prison. I was thankful to be able to make a few good ones who till this day, has still remained close. These are people who will help even when they can gain nothing from it. They will protect you even when their own lives are at stake. These are people who will stop you from slipping down the slope of sin when everyone else is encouraging you. These are the people who will speak the truth to you. And I thank God for them.

4. Appreciating relationships. The hardest part to endure in a prison is really the loneliness. I learn to appreciate my girlfriend so much more during this time. The trips she made to the prison. The food she cooked for me. The fact that she had to keep being positive and smiling whenever she visited. I truly appreciated her strength and her love. I think it’s something I would never have seen had I not gone through prison.

5. Appreciating Sex. Not having sex for a whole eight months is almost unbearable for me. Even though with money, one can actually ‘order’ a prostitute from outside the prison walls to have a quickie inside the prison compound, I chose not to do it. I think prison makes me appreciate relationships and intimacy even more.

6. Understanding the world of injustice and corruption. It is very sad to see Indonesians being sent to jail because of the corrupt system. I consider myself lucky that I have some money to pay off the corrupt officials but most of the Indonesians are poor and they will never have such a chance. Do they deserve to go to prison? Some perhaps. But the majority of them are really thrown inside as mere numbers. In Indonesia, the police have a target to hit every month for drug offenders especially. The police bonus depends largely on whether they have met the target per month. I have a cellmate who was working as a waiter in a Karaoke Lounge in Jakarta. One night, a group of men booked one of the rooms and asked if he could bring them some ecstacy pills. He then went to ask his manager who then got him some to be delivered to the room. When the waiter delivered the pills, the group of men announced that they were actually policemen and arrested him on the spot. Not only that, they ‘confiscated the pills’ for their own consumption and they also took all the money on him (money collected from the customers that night). Such a story is commonplace inside the prison. And that guy would be spending at least 4-5 years in jail if he is not able to pay off the police, prosecutors or the judges.

7. Appreciating hygiene. A lot of these Indonesians have very little concept of proper hygiene. They spit all over the floors and most of them are coughing continuously throughout the day and night. Diseases spread quickly in the cells.

8. Money is King. You can do almost anything if you have the money in jail. You can add air-conditioning to your cell. You can arrange for a prostitute to visit. You can repaint the cell walls. You can even renovate and make the cell bigger. Hell you can even buy a day of freedom to go outside the prison (watched closely by prison officers of course). the system is so corrupt that most drug dealers continue to deal drugs behind the prison walls and it is in fact regarded as safer since the dealers are already in jail and they can easily pay off the prison officers to continue their business. A lot of people actually visit the dealers in prison to buy drugs from them. Laptops, TVs, DVD Players, Play stations are all allowed as long as you pay money for those items.

9. Big Powerful Druglords are Human too. I shared a cell with a guy called Tong who committed the biggest case of ecstacy smuggling in Asia. They were caught with almost 200,000 ecstacy pills. But he is truly one of the nicest guys around. He had a childlike wonder to learn about computers and would bug me every day to teach him. He would bring me around the different cells to introduce me to his friends. When I told him the cell was a bit too small for four people, he engaged a contractor to renovate and extend our cell. On numerous occasions, he helped me without asking for anything in return. He told me he wanted to start life afresh if he had a chance to leave prison. I really wish for him to have a chance to turn his life around. Thank you Tong for always having a ready smile and a helping hand.

10. Being more determined about Life. Before I was sent to prison, I was deliberating what I truly wanted to do with my life. I was earning pretty decent money but I guess I wasn’t truly satisfied. I spent a lot of time doing self-destructive things like drinking, drugs, parties, etc. Being in prison made me realize the importance of our lives. We only live once and we should not waste it. Live the best way we can every single day. Many people will not even have such a chance.

Great Quote

Posted: December 27, 2010 in inspirational

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Have you had a dream and wonder what exactly it means? If you believe in the subconscious, then you must believe that dreams are part of our subconscious mind trying to tell us something about our lives.

Here is a website that can interpret your dreams online. Try it. It’s rather fun.

Back in my schooldays, Internet was not so prevalent and pornography was a treasured and rare commodity. I still remember the first time I was introduced to porno. It was at a friend’s house after school. We were playing Super Mario on Nintendo when all of a sudden my friend Nick blurted out,” Eh you guys want to watch porn or not?”

Being young, curious and full of horny hormones, my friends and I instinctively nodded with wide eye anticipation. Nick told us he found many tapes hidden in one of his father’s drawers (Yes, this was the age of VHS. No DVDs. No You Tube). He proudly pulled out one of them with some weird title like “Debbie Does the Football Team.”

Funny porn incident

While we were watching the porno, I was of course intrigued by the naked bouncing boobs staring at me. But I was even more puzzled that Nick’s father actually watched such kinds of videos. You see, Nick’s father was a high ranking military officer and we were all terribly afraid of him. He was tall, very serious looking and had a deep voice that reminded me of Darth Vader. He also had a thick moustache that seemed to twitch whenever he was angry or unhappy. There was one time when one of my classmates broke a glass in front of him and he shouted so loud my ears rang non stop for five minutes. That was when I noticed his moustache twitching in a strange way.

From that day onwards, we were always on our best behavior whenever he was around. After watching Debbie ‘do’ half the soccer team, I suddenly heard the sound of gate closing. I was so engrossed that I didn’t hear Nick’s father’s car coming into the driveway. I looked out of the window and he was already walking towards the front door. I quickly turned around and all my friends have disappeared! They had all rushed upstairs to Nick’s room without telling me! Or maybe they did and I was too engrossed in the porn!

Instinctively, I reached over for the TV remote and hit the off button. The TV screen went off just as Nick’s father stepped into the house. I greeted him and he nodded and grunted in acknowledgment. I started heading to the stairs to walk up to Nick’s room. I noticed Nick’s father reaching for the TV remote. I let off a gasp and froze. Oh my God …. It was too late. Nick’s father switched on the TV and saw Debbie’s look of ecstacy as the football captain bonked her from behind.

I bulleted up the flight of stairs and into Nick’s room. They were all huddled together on the floor. Nick’s face was especially pale. I told them what happened and Nick almost cried. We were half expecting Nick’s father to storm into the room and whipped us all with his leather belt. We waited anxiously. One hour. Two hours. Time flew by and there was no sign of him. Finally, we left and went home.

Apparently, Nick’s father didn’t even mention about the porno incident. Perhaps he felt guilty about it? Embarrassed perhaps? Nick told me that after that day, he couldn’t find any of those tapes in the drawer anymore.

Is watching pornography really such a shameful thing? If you ask me, I would rather a man satisfy himself in front of a computer than to go out and satisfy his needs with a prostitute or risk getting infectious diseases with a one night stand. Speaking of porno, do you know that Sylvestor Stallone actually made a porno in the 70s according to this report. Am I the only one feeling disgusted?